i love that i woke up with my dog laying on the foot of my bed. i missed stumbling down the stairs, dehydrated, and having coffee already made. my mother sits at the kitchen table. she asks me my views on a subject i know very little about and asks me to read an article every time. i've been awake less than seven minutes; i could care less about what's going on in the world. i just want coffee.
the last time i came home for two days, it was strictly to get things done. i didn't enjoy myself at all. i have a sneaking suspision that it was all because of my stepfather. i returned to philadelphia with bloody feet from walking on eggshells the entire time. there isn't enough soap in the world to scrub him out from under my skin. why did it take me so long to realize; there are some things you can't just apoligize for.
i've seen all of my best friends atleast once since i arrived monday night. i've seen kait every night. getting drunk with kaitlyn, and sitting in the passanger's seat of nicole anglin's car, singing "my name is trouble" are my two favorite things in massapequa. it sounds stupid, but it isn't. i've had so much fun every night. november is my favorite month. the turkeys are all nervous. it's thanksgiving and i'm thankful for the kids i grew up with. it's colder on long island than in philadelphia. my face is always flushed and my palms are always frozen. i don't mind at all. we're all out to recapture some sort of good time and it's not hard at all.
i spent thanksgiving in brooklyn. the morning with my mother was tough. every blur of optimism was followed by her tears and struggles with anything and everything. i've never felt so selfless and selfish towards one person before. i hope i never do again. remembering why i ran away in the first place; feeling guilty for it in the long run is the most confusing thing ever. it's like my heart and my head have a love/hate relationship. i end up as my own punching bag. every hug at my cousin's apartment was a reminder. you know what? everything's going to be okay. don't let my tears fool you. i'm a work in progress. oh, and my favorite. drunk mcgivneys!