i love that i woke up with my dog laying on the foot of my bed. i missed stumbling down the stairs, dehydrated, and having coffee already made. my mother sits at the kitchen table. she asks me my views on a subject i know very little about and asks me to read an article every time. i've been awake less than seven minutes; i could care less about what's going on in the world. i just want coffee.
the last time i came home for two days, it was strictly to get things done. i didn't enjoy myself at all. i have a sneaking suspision that it was all because of my stepfather. i returned to philadelphia with bloody feet from walking on eggshells the entire time. there isn't enough soap in the world to scrub him out from under my skin. why did it take me so long to realize; there are some things you can't just apoligize for.
i've seen all of my best friends atleast once since i arrived monday night. i've seen kait every night. getting drunk with kaitlyn, and sitting in the passanger's seat of nicole anglin's car, singing "my name is trouble" are my two favorite things in massapequa. it sounds stupid, but it isn't. i've had so much fun every night. november is my favorite month. the turkeys are all nervous. it's thanksgiving and i'm thankful for the kids i grew up with. it's colder on long island than in philadelphia. my face is always flushed and my palms are always frozen. i don't mind at all. we're all out to recapture some sort of good time and it's not hard at all.
i spent thanksgiving in brooklyn. the morning with my mother was tough. every blur of optimism was followed by her tears and struggles with anything and everything. i've never felt so selfless and selfish towards one person before. i hope i never do again. remembering why i ran away in the first place; feeling guilty for it in the long run is the most confusing thing ever. it's like my heart and my head have a love/hate relationship. i end up as my own punching bag. every hug at my cousin's apartment was a reminder. you know what? everything's going to be okay. don't let my tears fool you. i'm a work in progress. oh, and my favorite. drunk mcgivneys!
phildelphia is an awesome place to live. i'm currently taking the hardest major in the school, and i'm completely content with that. i miss you guys! kaitlyn and i are coming home on the same weekend. i will be going back to school in 8 different pieces. i wish i could write more, but i only have a few minutes. i'm always moving. i have batman bandaids on both of my feet from walking too much. the weather here is amazing. it's been sleeveless weather since i got here. it rained the first couple of days in the morning though. yesterday sarah, john, and i bought tickets to see piebald, say anything, and me without you play three blocks away from our apartments. oh, and on saturday there was a festival and we all saw saves the day AND fat joe play for free. how sweet is that? the other day fernando showed us south street, we've been there 3 times since. it's basically full of great shopping, boutiques, tattoo parlors, and all this cool shit. my favorite was the mosaic we passed. a man built this house completely out of ceramics and anything else he could find. it's gorgeous. on another note, not to be a racist or anything, but the other two people whom we share the apartment with are these two black senoir girls. i was a little intimidated before i met them, since they didn't come home until a few days ago for one reason or another. a huge reason was because i drop the n-bomb like it's my job. i'd never judge a book by it's cover or stereo-type anyone, but when i first met them, they seemed really mean. we actually hung out with them last night and got a second impression. they are chill as shit. they party all the goddamn time, and they support my dream of being on flavor of love. all in all, things are getting pretty good. i'm not nearly as homesick as i was a few days ago when everything hit me all at once. oh, and cigarettes are only 4 dollars here, and the smoking age is still 18 here. sweeet liiiiife. gotta go gotta go gotta go. i love you guys!
so this morning my stepdad called me and told me he had bad news. now, automatically my heart dropped, because bad news isn't usually just bad news. luckily, it was distressing news, but not too bad in my case. he told me he was going to put Beamer, the bearded collie that resides at my house, to sleep. apparently, earlier today beamer bit my aunt carol, his siter. beamer's not exactly the nicest dog. before my stepdad adopted him he was with really abusive owners so i guess i can't blame the dog for having issues. i don't really care. beamer isn't my dog, i didn't even like beamer. he barked at everything and i was constantly afraid of him biting me. now nelly, if he ever called me to tell me he was putting nelly to sleep, i'd freak out. for anyone whose lost on the pointless, rambling entry, nelly is my dog. but then again, i wouldn't ever have to worry about that because nelly would never bite anyone. everyone loves nelly, she's cuter, and she never barks. nelly is kind of like the jenna of our family, and i guess beamer is kind of like the kevin of our family. he's not nice, and he hurts people, and he has major issues. yeah, good analogy, jenna. anyway, i'm sure my mom's probably upset. she just really doesn't like death, whether it's a family member or in a movie, she's never been good with it. i feel really bad for my stepdad. beamer trusted him, and always wanted to be near him. a few weeks ago we were actually joking that beamer is obsessed with him. i asked him if maybe he should just take beamer to a shelter instead of putting him to sleep. he said that another family would face the same problem, the constant worry that beamer will bite a friend or family member of theirs. oh, well. i'm not sure what my opinion is on the subject. i'm sure i have no say in it. oh well, my nelly is still perfect.