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Screaming, drunk, disorderly... [entries|friends|calendar]
... i'll tell you mine

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add it or don't. [Wednesday
Dec 6th, 06 @ 1:44am]

use it wisely.

Nov 30th, 06 @ 4:44pm]
strung out for days.

home! [Friday
Nov 24th, 06 @ 3:52pm]

i love that i woke up with my dog laying on the foot of my bed. i missed stumbling down the stairs, dehydrated, and having coffee already made. my mother sits at the kitchen table. she asks me my views on a subject i know very little about and asks me to read an article every time. i've been awake less than seven minutes; i could care less about what's going on in the world. i just want coffee.

the last time i came home for two days, it was strictly to get things done. i didn't enjoy myself at all. i have a sneaking suspision that it was all because of my stepfather. i returned to philadelphia with bloody feet from walking on eggshells the entire time. there isn't enough soap in the world to scrub him out from under my skin. why did it take me so long to realize; there are some things you can't just apoligize for.

i've seen all of my best friends atleast once since i arrived monday night. i've seen kait every night. getting drunk with kaitlyn, and sitting in the passanger's seat of nicole anglin's car, singing "my name is trouble" are my two favorite things in massapequa. it sounds stupid, but it isn't. i've had so much fun every night. november is my favorite month. the turkeys are all nervous. it's thanksgiving and i'm thankful for the kids i grew up with. it's colder on long island than in philadelphia. my face is always flushed and my palms are always frozen. i don't mind at all. we're all out to recapture some sort of good time and it's not hard at all.

i spent thanksgiving in brooklyn. the morning with my mother was tough. every blur of optimism was followed by her tears and struggles with anything and everything. i've never felt so selfless and selfish towards one person before. i hope i never do again. remembering why i ran away in the first place; feeling guilty for it in the long run is the most confusing thing ever. it's like my heart and my head have a love/hate relationship. i end up as my own punching bag. every hug at my cousin's apartment was a reminder. you know what? everything's going to be okay. don't let my tears fool you. i'm a work in progress. oh, and my favorite. drunk mcgivneys!

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2 poker facespoker facesplay your fucking cards right

Nov 21st, 06 @ 6:02pm]

fuck hempstead!
it never gets old.
long island since last night!
back to school on sunday!
my best friends are all going
to be home by tonight!
if i like you, get at me!
i'm so happy.

'this light looks good on you' [Wednesday
Nov 8th, 06 @ 7:14pm]

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Hey, let's cross the sea and get some culture. red wine with every meal and absinthe after dinner. we look good side by side walking back to the hotel.

let's get a bottle and drink alone tonight.

all you need is me. [Saturday
Nov 4th, 06 @ 9:40pm]

this is the time of my life.

Oct 26th, 06 @ 11:05pm]

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yesterday in fundamentals of drawing we had to draw the model upside down. does mine not look like mick jagger meets a horror flick?

Oct 9th, 06 @ 7:53pm]
so when you move to philadelphia for art school...

you're always drawing, drunk, walking, and doing physcadelic drugs.

3 poker facespoker facesplay your fucking cards right

Oct 5th, 06 @ 5:16pm]
phildelphia is an awesome place to live. i'm currently taking the hardest major in the school, and i'm completely content with that. i miss you guys! kaitlyn and i are coming home on the same weekend. i will be going back to school in 8 different pieces. i wish i could write more, but i only have a few minutes. i'm always moving. i have batman bandaids on both of my feet from walking too much. the weather here is amazing. it's been sleeveless weather since i got here. it rained the first couple of days in the morning though. yesterday sarah, john, and i bought tickets to see piebald, say anything, and me without you play three blocks away from our apartments. oh, and on saturday there was a festival and we all saw saves the day AND fat joe play for free. how sweet is that? the other day fernando showed us south street, we've been there 3 times since. it's basically full of great shopping, boutiques, tattoo parlors, and all this cool shit. my favorite was the mosaic we passed. a man built this house completely out of ceramics and anything else he could find. it's gorgeous. on another note, not to be a racist or anything, but the other two people whom we share the apartment with are these two black senoir girls. i was a little intimidated before i met them, since they didn't come home until a few days ago for one reason or another. a huge reason was because i drop the n-bomb like it's my job. i'd never judge a book by it's cover or stereo-type anyone, but when i first met them, they seemed really mean. we actually hung out with them last night and got a second impression. they are chill as shit. they party all the goddamn time, and they support my dream of being on flavor of love. all in all, things are getting pretty good. i'm not nearly as homesick as i was a few days ago when everything hit me all at once. oh, and cigarettes are only 4 dollars here, and the smoking age is still 18 here. sweeet liiiiife. gotta go gotta go gotta go. i love you guys!


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one week ago.
play your fucking cards right

Sep 25th, 06 @ 5:08pm]

so this morning my stepdad called me and told me he had bad news. now, automatically my heart dropped, because bad news isn't usually just bad news. luckily, it was distressing news, but not too bad in my case. he told me he was going to put Beamer, the bearded collie that resides at my house, to sleep. apparently, earlier today beamer bit my aunt carol, his siter. beamer's not exactly the nicest dog. before my stepdad adopted him he was with really abusive owners so i guess i can't blame the dog for having issues. i don't really care. beamer isn't my dog, i didn't even like beamer. he barked at everything and i was constantly afraid of him biting me. now nelly, if he ever called me to tell me he was putting nelly to sleep, i'd freak out. for anyone whose lost on the pointless, rambling entry, nelly is my dog. but then again, i wouldn't ever have to worry about that because nelly would never bite anyone. everyone loves nelly, she's cuter, and she never barks. nelly is kind of like the jenna of our family, and i guess beamer is kind of like the kevin of our family. he's not nice, and he hurts people, and he has major issues. yeah, good analogy, jenna. anyway, i'm sure my mom's probably upset. she just really doesn't like death, whether it's a family member or in a movie, she's never been good with it. i feel really bad for my stepdad. beamer trusted him, and always wanted to be near him. a few weeks ago we were actually joking that beamer is obsessed with him. i asked him if maybe he should just take beamer to a shelter instead of putting him to sleep. he said that another family would face the same problem, the constant worry that beamer will bite a friend or family member of theirs. oh, well. i'm not sure what my opinion is on the subject. i'm sure i have no say in it. oh well, my nelly is still perfect.
2 poker facespoker facesplay your fucking cards right

Sep 25th, 06 @ 1:05pm]

i wake up to find it's another four aspirin morning, and i dive in. i put on the same clothes I wore yesterday. when did society decide that we had to change and wash a tee shirt after every individual use? if it's not dirty, i'm gonna wear it. i take the stairs to the car, and there's fog on the windows. i need caffeine in my blood stream, i take caffeine in the blood stream. i grip the wheel and all at once i realize:

my life has become a boring pop song, and everyone's singing along.

Sep 24th, 06 @ 12:23pm]

happy birthday, kristina toaster-marie warren. i love you so much! i can't wait for our marathon and road trip, and thanksgiving!

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you're the best house appliance in the world! so brave!

Sep 23rd, 06 @ 12:44am]
alli murphy always throws alright parties.

aunt carol, i like yo style.

i'm drunk.

and i'm going to party really hard with my aweseom roomie, sarah.

right on!

p.s. dave, don't hate me.

Sep 22nd, 06 @ 12:54pm]

11 am: i start packing.

9 pm: i finally finish packing.

3 am: my brother destroys my room
and throws everything i packed around the room.

3:30 am: i remember who my brother is and realize
my wallet is also missing all at the once.

i think he is jelous because i'm leaving and he has to stay here.
it's not like he's going to take on any actual responsibility now that i'm gone,
like taking care of our own mother. no, not kevin. what a great guy.

i don't want to cry anymore, i don't want to pack anymore, i don't want to live anymore.

Sep 18th, 06 @ 3:09pm]
"the birds will peck my flesh, only to find that i have no guts. a hollowness of my believing in everything except for myself." -kurt halsey frederiksen

Sep 17th, 06 @ 12:11pm]

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no more faded-to-red purple! dark brown, bitches.
4 poker facespoker facesplay your fucking cards right

fixed. [Saturday
Sep 16th, 06 @ 5:49pm]

edit:you can actually read the writing now!!

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she will have adventures, i swear.Collapse )
2 poker facespoker facesplay your fucking cards right

Sep 13th, 06 @ 1:36pm]
i stayed at purchase for a few nights. it was probably the last time i'd get to visit or see anyone that goes there until thanksgiving. me and chris drove up together. we partied at jay, hunter, scott, josh, lakota, and dan's apartment basically the entire time. all of anglins new friends are really cool too. i don't know, theres nothing really to write about considering that all we did for three days was drink, eat, and stare at eachother a lot. '

this morning i got a laptop for school. i got the new macbook which was the exact one i wanted. it was pretty weird when my stepdad actually told me i could get it. i have no idea how to use it whatsoever. it's pretty fun to type of though, and it's small, and white.

i think i'm getting really sick. i feel really congested. and my head feels like it's going explode. i might now be sleeping enough. i went to 5.50 tuesday yesterday with sashi for the first time in forever. accepted was such a great movie and one of the characters reminded me of eric fairchild so much! i'm probably going to go draw more. maybe i'll write more later on.

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a whole lot of jenna and nicole pictures.Collapse )
8 poker facespoker facesplay your fucking cards right

at purchase! [Sunday
Sep 10th, 06 @ 2:36pm]

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for the last 48 hours i have been with my best friend, drunk, at purchase. oh, yeahhh brotha.

i'll be home later tonight i guess.

Sep 6th, 06 @ 4:13pm]

so when i last left off, about six days ago, i sounded pretty miserable, upset, lost, and hopeless. i think shortly after i realized what was wrong. i remembered that the reason i hadn't gone absolutely mad over the school year was because of boces, and the projects i'd get caught up in. i haven't drawn anything all summer, which is okay because nobody really draws all summer unless they are taking classes. kristina, ott, and alyssa all haven't drawn anything all summer either, although i think ott did a lot of sewing. well, that's alright cause who has time for anything besides partying during the summer? once all my friends were away at school, it wasn't okay. the first few days they were gone, i did nothing. i watched television, slept, and ate junk food. i knew exactly what i had to do. the next day i went out and got a brand new sketchbook. let me just tell you, best idea ever. my mind is so clear now. i draw whatever i feel like drawing, what i'm thinking about, i write down my thoughs in envelopes and add them in, whatever it is i feel like doing. it's around the same size as my sketchbook from before summer, which is pretty big, if any of my friends remember me lugging it around. the point is, i've had this sketchbook for about five days and it's already half way full. i've gotten so much out, thought of so many new ideas, caught up on what i've missed, and when i'm doing nothing but drawing all day, i don't feel like i'm wasting away. the last few days i've felt pretty great. i still see a select few people a lot. well, since my phone has turned into my new digital camera, i took some pictures of my favorite pages from my sketchbook before. i only took pictures of a few, because if i took pictures of all of them, my phone would explode. it's not nearly as good as my previous sketchbook, but it's just a place to put down stuff. i always meant to post pictures of that sketchbook but i just never did. all of my best friends have already seen it anyways. well, if you remember how that book was witty and creative. this book is weird and stupid. a lot of the pictures aren't done. i wanted to just get some general ideas down and then finish it all gradually. i named the sketchbook, "my month at home."

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new sketchbook!Collapse )

maybe, i'll post more another time.
i hope it doesn't look too dumb.
leave thoughts.
17 poker facespoker facesplay your fucking cards right

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